Conflict That Makes You Closer, Not Further Apart
TARGET:
12-15 years
INTENSITY:
30 min / 2x per week
LEARNING GOAL
Developing Emotional Awareness When Interacting with Others
PEDAGOGICAL INTENTION
Finding Solutions Based on Everyone's Emotions
Target SKILLS
Socio-emotional Intelligence
Co-Intelligence Human-Human
MATERIALS
Gottman conflict protocol (adapted for teens)
Repair attempt cards
DETAILED PROCEDURE
Set up this activity in pairs. Explain calmly to the children: "Conflict in a close relationship is inevitable. How it's handled determines whether the relationship deepens or erodes. Research shows: it's not the frequency of conflict - it's the ratio of repair to rupture."
Step 1
Share Gottman's findings (adapted): the 4 conflict behaviors that predict relationship failure - contempt, criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling - and their antidotes.
Step 2
Teach repair attempts: verbal ('I'm starting to feel flooded - can we take 20 minutes?') / nonverbal (a touch, a softened expression) / humor that de-escalates.
Step 3
Say gently to the children: "The goal of conflict in a good relationship isn't winning. It's understanding the other person better and finding a path forward together."
Step 4
Practice: role play a conflict using repair attempts.
Step 5
Step 6
Step 7
Step 8
Step 9
Step 10
PROGRESS INDICATORS
The child identifies all 4 destructive conflict behaviors in role plays.
The child uses at least 2 repair attempts in a conflict role play.
The child reports that a real conflict went differently after applying a repair attempt.