How to Say What You Want and What You Don't
TARGET:
12-15 years
INTENSITY:
25 min / 2x per week
LEARNING GOAL
Developing My Ability to Communicate Harmoniously with Others
PEDAGOGICAL INTENTION
Putting My Feelings into Words Without Hurting Others
Target SKILLS
Socio-emotional Intelligence
Co-Intelligence Human-Human
MATERIALS
Consent communication script cards
Desire and limit expression practice
DETAILED PROCEDURE
This activity works best one-on-one, or with one child at a time within a small group. Explain calmly to the child: "One of the most important and least-taught communication skills is expressing what you want and what you don't want in close relationships - clearly, without shame, and in a way that respects both people."
Step 1
Expressing limits: 'I'm not comfortable with this' / 'I'd like to stop here' / 'I need us to slow down' - said clearly, calmly, without apology.
Step 2
Expressing desire: making a want known without pressure - 'I'd like to..., if you're comfortable.' / 'Would you be okay with...?'.
Step 3
Say gently to the child: "The ability to name what you want and what you don't is one of the most intimate forms of self-knowledge. It protects you - and the people you're close to."
Step 4
Practice: role play both expressing limits and expressing desire in 4 scenarios.
Step 5
Step 6
Step 7
Step 8
Step 9
Step 10
PROGRESS INDICATORS
The child expresses limits clearly without apology in 4 scenarios.
The child expresses desire without pressure in 4 scenarios.
The child distinguishes expressing a want from applying pressure.